^^Video^^ September 26th Day Vlog

Intensity:Quantitatively Different

Liberating Everyday Genius, P.258 Mary-Elaine Jacobsen

Considering how we are quantitatively different from others allows us to bring together the gifted subtraits of sensitivity and high excitability under the single category of intensity. Intensity is primarily a matter of increased arousal. It is the result of a sensory, neural, and emotional network that is more receptive and more responsive, extending higher, deeper, and farther than that of the average person. This umbrella trait encompasses verbal agility, excitability, a strong sense of humor, exceptional concentration, empathy, emotional sensitivity, and high energy.
Intensity means that many things command our attention and call for a response. This sensitivity shows us things that others seem to ignore or miss altogether. We are qualitatively different in this way because we are more energetic, more emotionally reactive, more excitable, more passionate, more responsive, more self-aware, more committed, and more empathic. In other words, our extraordinarily sensitive nervous systems require us to make our way through life with all the advantages and disadvantages of being endowed with an ultrasensitive body, mind, and spirit.
Intensity can be seen in many forms of expression, including high levels of activity and animation, deep emotional reaction, a display of what looks like impulsivity, rapid speech, nervous habits, complaints about sound or small discomforts, and strong reactions to the problems and feelings of others. It is not surprising that until we find effective ways to manage our intense natures, we run the risk of wearing ourselves and others out.
Everyday Geniuses are constantly penetrated by life. It's fascinating, yet not surprising, that studies of the physiological characteristics of gifted children indicate a greater incidence of allergies. Our internal and external worlds are raining stimuli constantly. Even though I categorize the intensities of giftedness in quantitative terms, they make a huge qualitative difference as well. Our expansive arousal system makes us walking, talking electronic detectors. As one researcher put it, being so very sensitive makes for an entirely different sort of life experience:"vivid, absorbing, penetrating, encompassing, complex, commanding-a way of being quiveringly alive."
One of my clients described his experience with intensity this way: "Lots of people around me seem to passively observe a lot of things that get under my skin and set off reactions. It's always been like that for me-awareness in, reaction out. When it's bad I feel like I've been hit by an anvil, shattered like cartoon characters but without the instant recovery. That's the deep pit where I feel lost and alone. But when it's good, it's as if all my nerve endings are deliciously electrified; I'm on fire inside and swept off my feet by the passion and energy that washes over me. That's the pinnacle where I am truly alive and at my best."
In ordinary circumstances the same form of vitality needed to create transcendent moments can turn in an instant and produce unpleasant events. All everyday Geniuses know exactly what it's like at that instant-time is suspended, the tone shifts dramatically from positive to negative, and the looks aimed your way tell you loud and clear that you've gone too far. Though intensity incorporates a powerful set of potential assets, when unchecked our natural excitability and emotionality can overpower or repel others. Although they would not be overpowering in a group of their peers, even quiet Everyday Geniuses are sometimes very dominant in a setting of people who are naturally less intense.
Everyday Geniuses who dare to talk fast and express much more than "normal" individuals are quickly educated in social rules about this form of intensity, verbal agility. They are just being themselves, and they are confused when others pull away from their emotional depth. Yet in the real world such rejection comes with the turf. When our intensity is running at full throttle, there are always those who rapidly reach their saturation point and show it with the roll of an eye and a sigh. They have had all they can take for now. If we fail to heed their signals, it soon becomes obvious that those around us who feel trodden upon can and will turn against us, especially if our exuberance makes them feel inadequate or left out.
For some people more is not better, especially when it comes to expressions of emotion,. Everyday Geniuses' empathic interest and unusual capacity for closeness can easily miscarry if other people feel the protective walls of emotional distance closing in before they are ready. To them, getting too intimate too soon stirs up anxiety, which is often followed by a hasty retreat. Without understanding why this happens, it appears to the fast-paced gifted person who feels secure that others are either emotionally disconnected or disinterested in what they have to say.
Like it or not, the same thing that makes us stand out and apart also requires us to hold back at times, to make room for others' styles of expression and slower pace, as well as lesser degrees of comfort with passionate feelings. One Everyday Genius defended himself this way: "Sometimes the people who think I'm overmuch are the ones I find undermuch-less sensitive, less responsive, less spirited. To my way of thinking, that's simply less alive." Yet these kinds of self-justification are unnecessary when we understand that no one is really over-or underintense; rather, individuals simply fall on different places along the broad spectrum of intensity.
Consciously gatekeeping intensity to manage and direct its flow is critical to the fulfillment of our entrusted personal missions. Yet none of us will find it easy to face the shadow side of Everyday Genius until our admirable side feels grounded and reasonably secure. After several months of counseling, Glenda came to know and accept herself as a gifted adult, which made it possible for her to see herself in a new, more welcoming light. This, of course, was a prerequisite for her to be willing to delve into the shadow side of giftedness, to see more clearly how her intensity played out in her daily life in ways that kept her from reaching her potential.
Increasingly Glenda became aware of how she had never managed or protected her highly sensitive constitution. Without realizing she had any effect on her exposed level, she had become used to chronic vulnerability and the exhaustion that accompanies stimulation overload. For Glenda, life had always been a high-volume pitch-and-roll escapade, like living at Great Adventure during high season. Moreover, being as porous as sponge to every visual, auditory, tactile, aromatic, emotional, and internally produced twinge of stimulation, Glenda's exceptional gifts were increasingly underpowered. The catalyst that caused a breakthrough for Glenda was a reawakened childhood memory:
Glenda: When I woke up this morning it hit me like a ton of bricks. All the things we've been talking about, especially the piece about intensity, reminded me of one afternoon twenty years ago. It was the day I decided to try on the world with my senses dialed way down. I stuffed my ears and covered them with earmuffs, put on an old pair of glasses to make everything fuzzy, sucked on some alum to numb out my mouth, and insulated myself from head to toe with mittens and sweaters so I could hardly feel anything from the outside. I even put on the nose plug I used for swimming. Then I went out to the backyard and walked around. I'll never forget it. It was surreal, like floating around in a cotton cloud. At first I liked it- it was so quiet, so undisturbed. I remember thinking: "This must be what it's like for everybody else."
Of course, covering up my sensory radar didn't work for long, then or now. But it struck me that when things get to be too much I can put myself on "mute" for a while. I can even stay away from things like upsetting movies and pushy crowds without having to explain myself. I can adjust the amount of my exposure as the situation demands. I'm the one in charge of my intensity, and not the other way around. Until now I never thought there was an alternative to the extremes-anesthetized or emotionally raw. Now I can see how critical it is for me to protect myself from too much stimulation-especially invasions of negative energy.

Excitability and sensitivity are genuine gifts. However, like all valuable commodities, gifted intensities must be monitored so it can be allocated wisely. This is why one of the essential parts of self-mastery is to find others like us with whom we can be open and authentic without fear of judgment or reprisal-a peer group in which it's acceptable and normal to go fast, far, and deep. Such validation will make it easier to regulate the outer expression of our intensities with those who don't share our hardwiring. In the same way that we are offended when our intensity is criticized as "too much," we must not disparage others who experience life less intensely. Acceptance is an equal-opportunity issue. Besides, our natural preference for diversity makes this adjustment an unavoidable rung on our ladder of Advanced Development and personal evolution.
Impulsiveness and flightiness have traditionally been confused with a subtrait of gifted intensity: excitability. It is often laced with judgement and misinterpreted as being restless, high-strung, or emotionally combustible. But for the Everyday Genius who manages it, excitability is an invaluable source of enthusiasm, motivation, and empathy that is key to humanistic accomplishment. The importance of excitability cannot be overstated for two fundamental reasons: (1) it is directly and inexorably tied to creative productivity in a cause-and -effect relationship, and (2) it is both a trait and a need. It is because Everyday Geniuses are relentlessly curious, easily aroused, and perennially open to new experience that they are equipped to passionately pursue a wide range of interests. And it is because they feed their need for stimulation that they constantly revitalize their indomitable spirits.
Intensity makes Everyday Geniuses stimulation seekers more than simulation avoiders. For them, life is brimming with possibility, endless avenues of discovery and excitement. With an entire system that is energized and engaged, the life of an Everyday Genius is filled with an unshakable sense of urgency-so many options, so little time.
When the Everyday Genius is well-informed and a prudent self-manager, life can be a series of exciting events that evolve within a deeply meaningful process. Although it rarely happens according to our schedule, mastering our assets puts within reach our willingness to go the distance to achieve our goals. By learning to discriminate between meeting challenges and reckless risk taking, we can make better decisions about when and where to say "stop" or "go" to ourselves. Learning to feel with instead of for others gives us a chance to be fully and intimately involved without being drained dry. By giving ourselves the authority to protect our sensory systems, we can prevent stimulation overload without the deadness that comes from taking refuge in monotony.
Remember, intensity is not equivalent to being touchy. Rather, it is about being profoundly in touch. If we are too afraid of rejection of betrayal, we can rein in our intense personalities for the sake of conformity. If we throw caution to the wind and let our intense natures run wild, we may find ourselves alienated and sabotaged by our own actions. Unless we learn to regulate our intensities and skillfully channel them, we play a dangerous game of chance, and in the end may lose the chances we deserve.

@#$In Progress@#$ Love of life

The reason people suicide is to stop the pain and suffer, to not feel that pain. Execpt the case of scrifice them self for love. Irrational case that scrifice for social virtue/mare idea such as patriotism, tradition. Back to the former case, to stop suffer, they quit the life. Indeed we live to feel, feel good. But if I love my life I don't suicide in spite of pain. It is because I put love first than painful feeling that want to avoid. Love of life. Facing what this life/human being experience that meant to be, for greater good. even if I can't think of what is that greater good just accept that and fully being in the moment.

*In Progress* Attraction

Attraction is not a love. Inspite of this category is concept of love, I choose to talk about attraction because it's one of most problematic matter within our contemporary society. Well, only if you agreed that love is that much important. We have biggest misunderstanding of love by attraction and that misunderstanding create distraction and obstacle of experiencing love in our life.

Attraction is not a component of the art of loving. It's not a practice of love nor factor of personality development. It is phenomena that appear in function of love. Attraction itself is not a part of principle of loving. But it relates to energy flow of love because it's energy as well. There is parts that intersected with love and attraction. Attraction is one of human experience, feeling, chemical movement in our brain. If I like something or material "thing" I say that attract me, I'm interested in something. Same goes with between human beings. And in a realm of love, if I strictly call it, I should call it "like" not love. Why? Let's using some rationality. Why attraction is not love? Why it is like? What's the difference between like and love?

Let's start from easy one. Why we like something or someone? When do we use I like this I like that I like her/him? There must be the reason of it based on one of simple truth:cause and effect. I like it/her/him because...blah blah blah. We say "I don't know why I like it/him/her," only when we are not aware of the reason, cause. That case is because of our lack of consciousness. Although, I cannot know 100% of all the reasons why I like, I can explain as much as my consciousness reaches. We sometime can't understand at all about things we feel and do thus we can't explain why. And some people misunderstood that there is no reason. Many time people say,"Things just happened." That's not humble attitude. I rather say, "I can't understand the reason."

I said feel, "like" is feeling. And attraction is the feeling of like. Most of human probably experienced that strong feeling toward to the other person"I like her/him so bad." Then we think I love her/him because feeling is overwhelming. Feeling create another phenomena-heart ache, missing, nervous. I used to be that way since I was kid until age 23 when I start to understand the concept of love and able to distinguish my feeling and idea of love.

(May/26/Monday/2008)Talking of love, especially in erotic/romantic love, attraction is one of big factor of our behavior. It certainly influence us in act of love. On a date, relationship, any forms of erotic love, the position of attraction is everywhere. So I'm not sure where do I start now. For right now, I want to talk about how attraction usually happen in modern society as I've experienced. Let's start from very beginning moment of our contact with our object of attraction. For example, from my experience, in daily bases, I see some woman on a street, cafe, book store, library, park, grocery store, restaurant, public transportation, the beach, a hostel. No matter what is my position-what I am doing; work,customer,just passing,visit,relaxing-in that place, stimulation starts if I see someone attractive. Then, what is attractive mean? It is of course all different to all people. But one common thing we all experience, the feeling, we all feel something by attraction. Without clear notice what is reason of that feeling, we are already stimulated. Real example, good look, attitude, good voice, word what that woman said, body language, etc. through all human expressions. Just the person's appearance itself might be considered non expression, but it is actually already expressed by human nature because we humans are also the creation of universe.

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(Sep/17/2008) Let me explain by some real example from my personal life. It was 2007, I was in a cafeteria in a college. I was about to start eating my lunch that I cooked at home. One lady came and sit in front of my table. I said "Hi" with smile, She hi back to me. Then few seconds later she started to talk. "So, how are you?" Then conversation started. My brain getting informaiton, through verbal and non verbal signals. My consciousness does few things; focus on what she saying and what I am saying and how she behave and react. Consciousness is pretty much focused on verbal and nonverbal signal. Meantime, my subconscious also getting information and calculate with speed of lightening. Through all sensors scanning her appearance/body language/situation, information coming: her name is Sandra, journalism major, 5 years in college, from Washington, white American, working in photo art gallery, mixed blond hair, hazel eyes, her voice is loud enough, her laughing is loud enough, one year older than me, the way she dress is not superficial nor ordinary but little bit nerdy and uninhibited, intellectual and ambitious. She tries hard to get my Korean name, repeat my name several times to pronounce it well, etc. By those information my subconscious calculating positive and negative facts of attraction. Making conclusions and decisions through input data by my own perception. Those calculation is not necessarily rational. That's just way of brain goes. Positive facts are:'she's pretty', 'she is my age and one year older', 'independent', 'intelligence', 'Her voice is loud so she has confidence or high self-esteem', 'she laughs often by what I'm saying', even 'Her name is cool "Sandra"'. Subconsciousness already calculating possibility of she falls in love with me by data; Those data include sociological factor such as her situation. It's not necessarily her personal quality.

Conversation ends and she is getting up.

Sandra: "It was really nice to talk to you Shaaun, thanks! I had a good lunch time."

Me: "It was good to meet you, Sandra"

Sandra: "I usually come to cafeteria and have a lunch around this time."
Me: "Okay, see you around."

She is gone. And my brain overwhelmed. It overstimulated by excitement and nervous. I can't even control my face muscle now. I'm not sure which is happen earlier than other. Whether information and calculation create that feeling-excitement and nervous- or feeling create judgement and decision. All of them already have done by subconsciousness. And I feel and think now; conclusion, 'She is attractive and I am attracted to her.' 'She is likable.'

Then someone maybe questioning, "How do you know those are done by subconsciousness?" "If you are not conscious about them how can you think and describe them?"

I know those are subconsciousness level of procedure and decision making because those "thought" popped up after I finish the conversation. I could think of them after she has gone. My consciousness was fully focusing on conversation; careful listening and what I speak to her.

This is the example of attraction energy flow and my first time I noticing how attraction working inside of my brain.

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I'm not saying attraction is not important at all in realm of romantic love nor it's not right to behave based on attraction. Attraction sometimes enhence act of love and sometimes it goes opposite. I mean there is a case we have better attitude toward the person I like by attraction and there is a case we behave not great because of attraction. And that choice and consequences are up to personality orientation/development of that person.

My intention is to make you able to distinguish attraction and real function of love.

Down to earth, to not be a hypocritic, I have to reflect myself and write how I do and what I am capable of. Another real example:

(September 4th 2008)

Katherine. Why I love her? Why I like her? What are the things that I attracted to her? And why is that? and What is my idea and perception of her? Let's write every thing I can think of and conscious of.

Easy thing first, attraction/fascinating/winsome/captivating/alluring/enticing factors. I have done this thing (complement and admire the woman whom I like, how beautiful and awesome she is) several times. It's my tendency that express my feeling. But never wrote it down before.

Let's start from easy to think of.

First of all, what is her physical attraction? She is very beautiful to me and I think even objectively there aren't many heterosexual men disagree with that. She sure has one of those "American beauty" that I like; smart and bright beauty. This is detail of my point of view about her physical beauty.

First, her face, she got feminine and genuine face. Her face is one of type that I will never sick of. Marvellous blue eyes, not just beautiful color, she has intelligence person's eyes. Smart eyes! and her face line, nose, brunet hair, lips, tooth, cheek, forehead, chin, neck all of them are decent enough. I like all of them, I just want to kiss them. Her smile has vulnerable and plesent energy which is similar smile with mine.

Second, her voice, she got unusual voice, it's not like Sarah Brightman's glorious female voice. Katie's voice sound is mixed, not pure, not really high pitch which makes it sexy.

Third, her legs are HOT. I mean splendid! She is a runner, not professional level but good enough runner as non athlete. And she does some fitness activities, belly dancing, she does some training.

Basically her body is fit, healthy, look good.

More important matter, mentality. Katie is mentally healthy and mature. She sure is an intelligence woman. She has strong intellectual ability that trained/educated by school system even though that fact is something ordinary about her. But being well disciplined is something can't ignore. At her age twenty-three, she has been studying psychology five years. She is in graduate school. And she is bilingual in Spanish and English. And the way she talks, it's often bit fast to me but she definitely has a smart woman's verbal skill. When I listen what she says, especially when she talk fast and using not easy vocabularies and sophisticate sentence, I feel like I am an idiot. I didn't understand what she said but I got good feeling because that makes she deserves my little bit snobbish, high manner and my respect toward queen like woman that I always like to do. She makes me think 'I want to speak like her.' 'That's good enough level of English I want to attain.' She is decent conversationalist as well. she has listening skill that require patience. She has good insight too. Her intelligence is definitely powerful as her gorgeous appearance. It's stronger than her power of physical appearance.

Also, I like how she dress. The way she dress and make up is womanly and graceful.

I like the fact that she decide to walk with me when I asked her. I consider that as ability to not afraid of do something risky. Also from the fact that she was travel by herself. I can't say she is really courageous woman but I like that she challenges such things.

There is other thing than attraction/fascinating/winsome/captivating/alluring/enticing factors. What should I call them? Allow me say that "magnetizing". Magnetizing is little bit different than attraction. It's not necessarily her charm, what she has. It's more like about some facts between she and I. Facts that make me feel good from it. Such a things like, the fact that she is a vegetarian. I am a vegetarian too. She is American. I like American woman most in general. She studies psychology. Psychology is my favorite subject/study.

There are more strong and prominent magnetizing factors. I met her when I was doing my walking journey, my mission which is one of most significant moment in my life. I met her at that moment when I did radical act, take the jump and stake everything on love. I shared the moment with her even though it was short. I had really wonderful time because she was there. Memories......I still remember the very first moment of our encounter. I was just got back to the hostel room and she was in the room tying her shoes and she said "Hello" to me with B-E-A-utiful smile. And conversation after that, we hit it up really fast. We went out Starbucks coffee then we had dinner at Mexican food restaurant. And same night, I asked her "Hey, Katie. I want to ask something. Would you walk with me tomorrow? You can walk as much as you want. There are several chances to come back. I've already looked up. You can come back whenever you want. It's totally cool if you don't walk with me. but I ask you because I'd like to know you more and it will be great to me if you will be my company." I still remember her smile with little bit of shy face while I was asking and she answered, "Yes." Needless to say, I was euphoric. Another fact that we have been contact by e-mail and few phone calls after that while I was walking.

And most significant fact, since I met her all the experiences that I had, changed me alot. Especially my development of loving. She provided all the experience that I needed to experience; practice the art of loving. Filling the gap between my knowledge by thought and true knowledge that only can obtain by experience. Because she was my object of love, because I was in love, so I could practice. And she is the woman that made me practice the art of loving most deeply, intensively so far. Despite of those practices of love that I had are harsh and difficult as hell, I persistantly take it by will power. I had stronger, more intensive feeling with other women before but I never had this much of practice and learning through those experiences. All the hard disciplines were not by what she did to me, by my insight, rationality and will power. But it could happen because she was the stimulus and object. It's more individual practice/discipline instead mutual one because all the things that I learned were from inner experiences. So I learned it and I am different than before, again.

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Also There is "curiosity". Curiosity is desire to know that particular person. The reason why we feel curiosity is we are complex being, human is small universe. We can never fully, completely, perfectly understand ourselves. So curiosity is desire to reveal, understand, know ourselves. As I am curious about me, I am curious about fellow human being because we are same living beings in this planet and part of universe. To know other human being helps to know myself and vice versa. Because of curiosity I act something, do something to get information, data of her. And that act it self many cases reveal my new side, part that I didn't know about myself. That's one of beauty of act of love.

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Beauty itself always create curiosity such as, 'What is life of beautiful woman?', 'How is feel being beautiful woman's life feel like?'

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I want to know her as much as possible. I want to know about small to big things that matter to her. I want to know her metally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. If I know better, I can love her better. Just it takes time. I have a lot of curiosities about her because she is special and different. She has different character/trait/interest/background than mine. What is most important thing for her? What is her dream? What are her interest/passion? What is her desire and fear?

Love is the best solution of desire of unity, one-ness with world.

Erich Fromm said about this

"The unity achieved in productive work is not interpersonal; the unity achieved in orgiastic fusion is transitory; the unity achieved by comformity is only psudo-unity. Hence, they are only partial answers to the problem of existence. The full answer lies in the achievement of interpersonal union, of fusion with another person, in love.

This Desire for interpersonal fusion is the most powerful striving in man. It is the most fundamental passion, it is the force which keeps the human race together, the clan, the family, society. The failure to achieve it means insanity or destruction-self-destruction or destruction of others. Without love, humanity could not exist for a day...."

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(9/25/2008)

Maybe those curiosity and desire should not consider as an attraction. It's something has to do with my personality and human needs.

@#$Prearrange@#$ Life in the Korean Army

How was it and how it influenced me.

^^Video^^ 9-20-2008 Day blog

It was Saterday and day off. I needed to go somewhere outside of San Francisco. So I decided to go Berkeley. 'It will be sunny and warm. lovely!'

I wrote, 'I'm on a Bart. It feels freshy to moving/going somewhere distance from home.'

When I arrived at Berkeley it was just like I imagined. 'Perfect!' I started to move, walk wherever my mind goes.

Maybe it has been an hour walking, I was North top of university campus. I decided to take a rest on fountain. And I wrote.

'Take time and being in the present and feel it, eveything.'

'Every single time when I enjoy this feeling-be united with environment:sun and wind and water-think free.'

'Let myself just be. Fastest way to understand the world.'

'After that, I always want to share this with my half. '

'Feeling by myself is not enough. never enough.'

Then I head back to the station through other way. Few other thoughts came to my mind.

'Life formation is shifted when we put love on first priority'

'Reality of love oriented person is unlimited because to us everything is possible by love, for love'

'and that kind of life is realistic because love is truth, principle/function of love is match with principle/function of universe.'

(coincidentally, this statement was on my planner's "daily thought" section. I saw it when I was on the Bart on my way back to San Francisco)

"Action expresses priorities."-Mohandas K. Gandhi

And on the way walking this sentence just suddenly popped up in my mind from nowhere.

'I loved her enough as I wouldn't have any regret if I die now.'

I thought about it for a while. 'I cannot say this is completely objective or right. But just this is what needs to be expressed at this moment of my life.'

I would not have a regret because I did my best. The best means drop dead best that put love and my lover higher than my life, everything. All those things that I did-patience, concentrate, care, courage, respect, objectivity, responsibility, knowledge, faith, giving-never done perfectly and that fact makes me frustrated and felt sorrow. I've fought countless time against my desire/illusion/needs to have or to not lose objectivity. I had been slowly dying without love to be patient. I was concentrating on her with 100% of my attention that gave me life motivation and vitality. When I lost my objectivity, I gone insane; I was angry at her, wanted to criticize her, wanted to demand her what I want; her responsibility and respect. But I didn't because I didn't want to lose respect of her. I wanted to give her what she wants/needs or helpful to her but I couldn't figure out because of lack of knowledge about her. And I felt pain that I was not giving anything to her. I couldn't. Few thigs I could think of were share my ideas, show her my beautiful life/mind. But distance and time make that giving and care much harder. I spent average 8hours for every single e-mail and reply of her e-mail to be responsible and to know her better and to be close to her. I've never afraid to be being ensecure financially and physically. Live with uncomformity and poverty didn't even matter to me. Possibilities to lose everything I got couldn't shake my faith. I believed in power/principle of love. I've realize by my experience that live by love is function of universe, principle of human life.

Yes, I really loved her enough as I wouldn't have any regret if I die now. Inspite of that, still there are experiences that I want to do/feel; to be choosen by each other, unity, grow together, inspire each other and enjoy serious romance, creation of synergy, mutual dependant, new realization by union of polarity, fulfilled. What I've been experiencing is not even close to them. I am not satisfied about state of my love that hasn't reach as I want and expect. But I know, I will be there. I will reach there. I am the one; a master of love. It is my destiny. I'm just not there yet but I'm on my way. I realized all this experiences of moments are meant to be like this. And that is procedure of practicing the art of loving. I've never done/seen/heard any other human activities that difficult than real love I've been trying.

Then I thought,

'Katie...I will love her until it's impossible. And this romantic love will go to other woman if I have a chance to do love that woman. Then I will be 100% to that woman as always.'

After I get back to the hostel, I sense energy shifting-high frequency to low frequency-very clealy. I don't even clearly remember what happened after.

Relative Post : Managing Feeling, Care, Respect, Responsibility, Knowledge, Faith, Objectivity, Courage, Concentrate, Patience, Giving

Why am I so different with my parents? "Evolution and Mutation"

Mary-Elaine Jacobsen, Liberating Everyday Genius, Part 2. Evolutionary Intelligence, P.84

What's Evolution Got to Do with It?

Those of us who are not neuroscientists or professors of anthropology may challenge: "What does evolution have to do with intelligence?" Evolution often brings forth images of strange half-fish, half-animal poking its nose through the murky green of the primordial swamp as it dares to take that first step into an airy life. We envision our genetic predecessors who climbed down from the trees, stood partially erect, and grew bigger brains while their knuckles stopped scraping the ground.

Evolutionary theory derives from the belief that common ancestral forms of life have transformed over time, a branching-out process called speciation that resulted in the millions of organisms that inhabit today's world. Such evolutionary changes rarely occur swiftly, most take place over millennia, progressing at a slow but consistent rate.

Natural selection, the result of competition for resources and adaptation to environmental conditions, is believed to be the major cause of such changes. It has to do with competition for resources and adaptation to environmantal conditions. Scientists believe the best-adapted survive to pass their genes down to future generations. Thus the process has been called "survival of the fittest." Another reason for species change is mutation, which is a chance or random variation in certain individuals. These mutations could be considered xenogenic offspring, markedly different from either of their parents. Everyday Geniuses live a xenogenic life. Without these odd ducks the gene pool would grow stagnant and progress would eventually cease, perhaps even threatening human survival.

Natural selection reacts to mutation. It either promotes it or eliminates it to support continued growth of the population. Mutations occur regularly, though sporadically, producing both favorable characteristics(a plant developing long roots in an arid climate) or disadvantageous ones (human hemophilia).

While studying the evening primrose, Dutch botanist Hugo de Vries discovered that variations caused by mutation can appear abruptly and become inheritable. Individuals of any species displaying the effect of genetic mutation may be poised to take advantage of changes in the environment.

From this vantage point one could argue that leaps of progress are nothing more than practical "accidents"- mutations that just happens to have a good outcome in a given environment. Correspondingly, exceptional human ability would be judged as equally coincidental. People with unusual capacities-those who are ahead of their time- are mutants in some sense of the word. Following this logic, marvels of human effort and invention would be chalked up to nothing more than chance.

But mutants have the capacity to affect the evolution of those with whom they interact, and to set off chain reactions of change. Unlike spontaneous mutation, genetic recombination is a process by which "betterfit" mutation occurs; the idea is that even a tiny change can cause a profound adaptation.

This is the fundamental precept of a relatively new model of evolution that theorizes population changes are caused by mutation spurts that lead to an "avalanche" of behavioral alterations after long periods of equilibrium. Such intermittent flare-ups of evolutionary activity are natural and necessary for progress, as opposed to insignificant errors or cataclysmic disturbances.

From a philosophical point of view, each entity strives toward some essential goal, including human intelligence. The eminent University of Chicago psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi argues that complexity is necessary for the enrichment and continuation of human evolution. In a Psychology Today interview he explains his views, which seem to be in agreement with my theory of Evolutionary Intelligence:

[A]t this point we are one of the major-if not the major-selective mechanisms on the planet. Whether we like it or not, what we do is going to make a huge difference in the quality of the atmosphere, the quality of water, plant life, animal life, human life. Before, evolution could make all kinds of mistakes, and natural selection could have obliterated all types of life forms from the Earth. Slowly, over thousands of years, millions of years, some forms that were obviously more complex had a slight advantage and survived. And the effect has been that we have had more and more complex forms with time...
I think that people should realize how important what they do can be in changing both their lives and history. We are unaware, really, of the powers we have....We need to realize that in many ways life, or at least conscious life, begins only after you realize what you are supposed to do in terms of genetic and social instructions. It's only when you free yourself from the basic conditioning that we are born with do you start living. At the same time you realize that you are free to do it or not to do it... Evolution will proceed some other way, somewhere else.
Generally speaking, nature has identifiable patterns, some of which are static while others are dynamic. In the animal world, for example, certain creatures, such as the crocodile, have changed little over the centuries, while the modern horse, the descendant of numerous ancestors, has experienced a significant number of mutations beginning with the prehistoric "dawn horse" fifty million years ago, a greyhoundlike animal about twenty inches tall with an arched back and a snoutlike nose.
In nature, some static patterns exist because under prevailing conditions they are able to thrive. this becomes a problem when environmental factors take a significant turn in a new direction. When a responsive shift becomes necessary, not just any old change will suffice. For humankind, the key to successful adaptation is a dual process, one that encompasses both static and dynamic patterns. Both standard intelligence and EvI process and manipulate information efficiently. They both function optimally in a static environment.
What separates EvI from standard intelligence is its ability to thrive in dynamic environments while expanding the collective knowledge base. Evolutionaries-the bearers of Evolutionary Intelligence-achieve on a larger scale because their brains can adapt to both dynamic and static environments. Therefore, as things constantly change, they possess the basic tools to swiftly detect and define problems and envision and enact creative solutions. They are outfitted to lead us from the mechanical age to the electronic age to the digital age as information processing accelerates. They are the "mutants" who will help us survive.
Currently, such evolutionaries are experiencing enormous dissonance as they walk the tightrope between old and new. Their experience is akin to the earliest birds whose feathers first evolved from reptilian scales for thermal protection. We can imagine the first time this transitional creature ran along the same old ground only to find itself lifted up off its feet into the heavens.
The process of evolution is collective and visionary by nature, the scope of its agenda far-reaching. It is unnecessary to force an exclusionary relationship between high potential and evolution (that is, science versus God). whatever the source, Evolutionary Intelligence has the advantage of seeing the big picture in an all-inclusive manner, and thus is equipped to stretch the limits of human progress. It is at once outwardly equipped to stretch the limits of human progress. It is at once outwardly focused and inwardly inspired, both visionary and pragmatic.
Intelligence and evolution complement each other because they share many characteristics. Evolution and Evolutionary Intelligence are like and improvised dance, the performer not always sure of what to do next, but moving all the while. The pleasure derived from this precess comes from the "guessing," the surprises of meaningful creation. Unlike other species, we can dream and conceptualize and distinguish between varying degrees of quality. Darwin's notion of the "survival of the fittest" is a shortsighted theory of the intent of evolution. Evolutionary Intelligence is not something that one can limit, for its scope and power are boundless.

Managing Feeling

Mary-Elaine Jacobsen, Liberating Everyday Genius, Part4. Managing thyself: self-mastery and integration, 14.Self-Mastery: Managing Intensity, Complexity, and Drive P.295~297

Managing Feeling

As we know, Everyday Geniuses are hot receptors. That's just the way it is. But we can learn to consciously decide when to react, how much to react, and when not to react at all. It is up to us to adjust our lives and temper our reactivity to avoid unnecessary conflict, burnout, and wasteful allotment of our much-needed energy reserves. Though thousands of years of instinct and genetics have shaped our acute responsiveness and intense emotions, we can learn to separate impulse from automatic reactions.

First, it helps to learn how to accurately label what we feel-to apply the right words to our experience. This is often difficult, however, since feelings tend to come in packages. But with practice, we can use our analytical minds and verbal acuity to distinguish between more than "glad, mad, sad, or bad" feelings. By being clearer about our feelings, we greatly increase the chance that our emotions and our actions will be in agreement, not as odds with one another.

For example, if we feel something strongly, instantly interpret it as anger, and immediately act out our emotions, we may indeed be expressing ourselves authentically and appropriately. Upon further self-inquiry, we may realize that we have learned to respond to fear with anger, acknowledge our feeling as fear instead of anger, and therefore decide to choose a new and more appropriate response. By pinning down our emotional responses and choosing how or if to respond, we develop an accurate match between inner feeling and outward expression, a positive sign of both authenticity and Advanced Development.

Review the following list of feelings and notice the category each emotion falls into. Then look back over the list as you ask yourself: "Which emotions are easiest for me to express in mature ways?" Also select feelings to which you respond to in a less mature, reactive fashion. Be certain to note which feelings you suppress entirely.

Event-driven hurt feelings: sorrow, grief, hopelessness, loss, abandonment, loneliness, sadness, rejection, depression

Self-directed hurt feelings: shame, regret, guilt, self-loathing, worthlessness, self-degradation, loss of energy, depression

Angry feelings: irritation, annoyance, frustration, hostility, rage, hatred, disgust, submission, resentment, rivalry, defiance, condemnation, contempt, depression

Fearful feelings: panic, dread, suspicion, distrust, jealousy, worry, nervousness, foreboding, butterflies in the stomach, muscle tightness, tension headaches, muddled thinking, powerlessness

Heartwarming feelings: fondness, affection, closeness, trust, common bond, empathy, joy, serenity, confidence, eagerness, transcendence, insight, compassion, appreciation, wonder, love, respect, honor, gratitude, reverence, universality, benevolence, determination, purpose, value, meaning

Reflect on the internal messages you experience related to these feelings,. Are some of them still distorted in false-self thinking? Be especially mindful of the following automatic reactions: defensiveness, isolation, silent contempt, tantrums, coercion, and disowning feelings by intellectualizing them. Review Chapter One to get a clearer picture of how the subtraits of Intensity, Complexity, and Drive are manifested in you and how you tend to react. Then ask yourself what it would take for you to achieve the balanced version of each subtrait. Look for new ways to respond instead of simply reacting-modified responses that could make you feel better, more in control, and yet allow you to be open and available to others without being naively vulnerable.

It is clear to us that our zest for new experiences can make life an exciting adventure. But unmanaged feelings and impulses exaggerate our need for intensity and send things quickly spinning out of control. Only when we understand how we become victims of our own enthusiasm can we come to grips with the fact that our energy reserves are not bottomless. We must admit that our legendary verve can leave us burned out, and that scurrying about can detour us from realizing our most important dreams.

An effective measuring tool for examining reactivity is the "marshmallow test," devised by Walter Mischel. In Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman employs Mischel's test as a method of measuring the essence of emotional self-regulation: the ability to deny impulse in the service of a goal, whether building a business or pursuing the Stanley Cup. Goleman explains the need for goal-directed self-imposed delay of gratification this way:

Just imagine you're four years old, and someone makes the following proposal: If you'll wait until after he runs an errand, you can have two marshmallows for a treat. If you can't wait until then, you can have only one-but you can have it right now. It is a challenge sure to try the soul of any four-year-old, a microcosm of the eternal battle between impulse and restraint, id and ego, desire and self-control, gratification and delay....There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse. It is the root of all emotional self-control, since all emotions, by their very nature, lead to one or another impulse to act.

Rather than be overwhelmed by our passions, or steamroll others with them, we must become the masters of our gifts. We must school our feelings, impulses, and perfection orientation and allow them privileges in our lives, not free rein, if they are to serve as the powerful assets they are designed to be.