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Yesterday Natalia said, "Everybody don't get what they deserve, everybody get what falls into them."

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I think often I use envyous feeling as motivation to acomplish something. As a person who has big ego it is not suprising. That's the greediness of ego to be excellent and to do well in activities that I like. Result can be something constructive for me but it seems I hate one whom I envy and it hurts. So the process is painful.
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my energy is not concentrated to few matters and subjects but too complicated
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This is the state of my mind now and it is manifestation of it. So it has order in disorder of random typing. But I cannot even comprehend it because it does not mean to understand in language. So I cannot explain my state of being in language clearly enough. Because of this reason every attempt to be understood by anybody will be failed. Feeling and state of feeling can only be connected by same feeling and state of feeling. More I talk or write will cause more distortion and error of that form of expression.
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