being in motion

It's weird to think I take a airplane to fly Korea...but I will take it within few hours. It's unbelievable fact yet somehow I am very clam. I just hope they don't lock me in some room in the airport for being overstay two years in U.S. like Border Protection officers in San Diego. Fucking-A. It's rainy...CALIFORNIA...
I don't want to say good bye nor make this big deal. It's not a trip nor travel. It's not being deported. It's just another long distance moving in short period of time.

no title 1 incomplete

5:10 PM March 5th 2010, I'm in Centeral library in LA. This library is a palace. However, that's not what I want to express now. What I'm thinking is how my life has wasted for hurting myself. Somebody or sometimes my inner voice might say 'it's okay','it's past','it's not too bad' whatsoever, I have to say I hate to see those moment of my life of my weakness, lack of power and strength. Thousand times of same repetive thoughts 'how dare she said to me','how she could ignore me, disrespected me','how inconsiderate expression and word I got from her','inspite of all my best abilities of love this is what I got from her?','I endeavor to figure out what I can do/give to her that is good for her','It was torment that getting no respons or lack of reciprocation','because to "give" I have to have knowledge about her and to get that knowledge I have to interact with her and what she did was no expression no answering absolutely lack of humility attitude.' 'how could she so thick of emotion?','how could she doesn't know how to say to the one who like her','what a terrible things to say to the man who love her','what kind of psychologist she wants to be if she cannot feel what I can feel and cannot be responsible to one's emotion?','Does she really don't know saying that can really hurt me?','Is it because of her lack of experience of mature relationship? how she has total abscence of mature attitude in romance?','why I chose her?','why I chose yong girl who is not a woman?','was all my idea of her completely false?','why I was so stupid to not see her immaturities?','why I couldn't see her lack of her concept and ability about love?','why I couldn't be objective?''why I deceived by my stupid unconscious categorising her?','why I met her on my walk?','this is what I get inspite of life risking action for love?','this is what I get inspite of all my attention and effort with all my energy to love her under the circumstance of surviving from no money, no job, no place to live?','how this immature reaction from her is happening to me again after all my early and middle 20's experiences?','I've very done with all those "girls' shit" and now those kind of things shouldn't be happen again but how come?','this is what I get from those kind of girl even though I've never done anything hurting woman by inconsiderable, childish, dishonorable, untruthful attitude?','this is not fair, where is god damn Karma police?','how this happened to the man who never fucked up myself and other people','the man who knows the romance and real love','as a just decent human being with dignity and humanity, this is intolarable treatment','I hate to use this english vocabulary but this is not what I "DESERVE"','I just can't believe how long and how deep I hurt by loving her and failed in love'