Wounds and reactions

It's not easy to accept the truth about ourselves, especially about the nature of our deepest wounds. Self-truth explorations are rarely painless, which is why many of us need a large measure of adult experience under our belts before we are emotionally equipped for such an undertaking. So why look back at all? why not just forge ahead with our customary determination and will? As many of my clients propose, "Let's just leave the past in the past."
And yet we cannot leave well enough alone because the liberation of our potential calls for completeness. All of our resources must be fully functional and available if we intend to take our abilities seriously. No matter how smooth our upbringing may have seemed, without mending the splits and self-doubts we bear, we cannot be as fully alive and powerful in our creative endeavors as we are intended to be.
The goal is not to revictimize ourselves by opening up old wounds merely for the sake of feeling bad all over again. Blame is not the point, either-not toward ourselves or toward those who raised us, loved us, or worked with us to the best of their ability. At first, most Everyday Geniuses resist the idea of dredging up old wounds and revisiting the detours they wish they'd never taken. No one wants to reexperience emotional pain and regret. Yet the wounds of Everyday Geniuses are not the kind that heal with the mere passage of time. Luckily, most Everyday Geniuses are practiced in recycling their experience. Their innate optimism and tenacity help them find creative ways to make use of all of their experiences, even agonizing setbacks. To give meaning to what happens in their lives, they look for ways to tyrn bad into some form of good.

curious how I sound and look speaking in Korean with friend

Walking Journey Day 20

It's exactly 2 years ago

The pain of heart breaking

Movies in the video : Swingers, London

When I through pain of failed love, unchangeable tendency is that I rather feel pain than nothing at all if I cannot be in love. It is dangerous, destructive and sometime scary. I've damaged badly sometime but I always survived and it deepened the emotionality and strengthen that particular emotions. One man told me before"think that as price that I paid for what I've learn".

Relate link : feeling awareness, wisdom and paradox

Horse racing

In Process-Mexican Border and jail experience

It was January 3rd 2008. It was 3rd day that I moved to San Diego. I was still travel high mode and that day I decided to go all the way down to see the Mexican Border. I was curious about the reality of border because Mexican problem is one of serious social issue in America, especially California. I took a bus from San Diego downtown and transfer to other one that goes to the border. When the bus almost arrive at last stop, there were full of people and they were all Mexican. Even driver was a Mexican. All the people got off the bus at last stop and I follow them. I could see a big Mexican Nation flag from the out side but I didn't see the border yet. I kept follow the people because all of them were moving toward same way. And I saw some gate that looks like spinning door and metal. At least nobody was standing or watching the door so I entered into it. I was looking for somebody looks like police or solder something like that. But nobody was stop me or ask me ID. Just people were walking and moving without any hesitation. Then I saw something like a sign on my right side. On left half of that board this word was written,"Mexico territory". On the right half side, "U.S.A. territory". Then I thought 'Umm...it seems I already cross the border.' 'Holy shit! did I just cross the border?' 'I remember that law as an international student I supposed to not go out of the country.' 'Ha! this is dumb of me and funny and exciting, here I am!' Then Josh's(my friend in Long Beach) voice just popped up in my head "Just don't go to Mexico, don't cross the border, Shaaun." "I won't!" I replied him.

I was nervous little bit but meantime I was still having travel-high feeling. 'Okay, now what I'm gonna do?' 'I am not even interested in Mexico, any of their culture.' 'I don't even bother to glimpse it. I don't want.' 'I just arrive in San Diego two days ago! I want to go back to the down town.' Then I saw information box and entered into it. "How can I help you, sir?" "Do you want to have Tijuana map?" "I'll show you good place to go." 'He looks Mexican with good English and thinks I'm tourist of Tijuana.' "No, I have a question, why there is nobody at that gate thing? No one asked me show I.D. or passport anything." He answered "Oh it's just free. You don't need anything to come to Tijuana." "Okay, then how can I go back?", I asked. "You cannot go back to that gate. It's one way. That is only for enter to Mexico. When you go back to U.S. you have to cross that bridge and you have to through that building." He answered. I was thinking 'What kind of border is easier than enter into a regular building?' In Korea, there is DMZ(Demilitarize Zone) between North and South and the DMZ itself is like 20Kilometer. Of course between North and South border line there are full of soldiers. That's the concept of a border between two country in my reality. Therefore, no big sign or police or soldier on a border was completely weird thing to me. 'I see, definitely U.S. needs to get the Mexicans out of their country because Mexican problem is big issue in this country. So it should be make it easy to enter to Mexico and difficult to enter to U.S. like this...' 'Anyhow, that makes people like me in trouble?!' I felt like totally be trapped. 'No other things to think about. I go back immediately.'

I crossed the bridge and I could see people were on endless line that looks like longer than a mile. 'This is gonna be all day long' 'No matter I wait all day long or I sneak in some where of line result will be same in the Border Protection building.' I walk around and check around back and forth of the long line.

'I know I dropped out school and that makes me out of status soon. But I also know I have 30 days grace and during that period I am still leagal.' 'As long as I can prove my student status I will be fine.'

Relative link: Almost get arrested, not again!?-Rant and risky moment