Walking Journey Day 19

Walking Journey Day 18

Day 17:Almost get arrested, not again!?-Rant and risky moment

It was March 27th, Day-17 of my walking journey. I had a long distance of a day portion. Leocarrillo State Park to Port Hueneme 21.25miles. Because of damn Navy base I had to go around long way on the highway instead of walking on the beach. Walking on the alsphalt is tougher, boring, and nothing beautiful. I saw hundreds of "No traspassing, U.S. Government Property" signs. Sun was very strong and I lost my way little bit few times on the road. When I arrived on the Missle & Aircraft Display, I took a break. And I thought it is ridiculous people be proud of those weapons which I had thought about it before when I saw huge battle ship in San Diego. I started to record myself...(watch the video below) then when I am about to start walking again. I notice a Navy guy with former uniform was standing and waiting me. He stopped me and asked "Did you record something?" "Yes, I recorded myself." I replied. "You should not record here." He kept go on "Somebody will come here so just stay here." I was upset. "Are you doubt me?" "Do you know what kind of person I am?" "Can you read this?" I show him my word on back pack 'Born, Experience, Learn, Express, Live to Love' He just tried to ignore me,"Just wait here, somebody will come." I told him "If you can't believe me, I can show you what I recorded". He tried to aviod confronting me and went into a car say,"I can't really talk to you..." He turned his face to other side of me. I thought 'I know you don't want to deal with me by yourself.' 'I was in Army. I exactly know that face; soldier face-blunt and bitter-.' 'What you do is all about duty and following the law and order.' 'All that things are non humanistic, irrational minded, distorted virtue which is illusion-patriotism.' 'Fucking follower, murdering bastard and you are proud of it. You pathetic and disgusting living being'

Anger came first. Then I started feel nervous. All kind of thoughts appeared, 'What if they figure out I'm illegal stay?', 'If they figure it out, I'm done.' 'I'm gonna be deported.' 'Fuck! I don't want to go back to Korea.' 'I can't love over there!' 'No Korean!' 'I probably have to go to jail before get deported.' 'Oh No! Katie! Is this really end? Do I never see her again?' 'No, I can't accept that. I got to see her again.' 'Run away now?' 'No chance, they got car and I got a back pack and nowhere to hide.' 'It's merely beggining of my journey and this is what I got?' 'Why let me finish my mission!' 'This is my life! what I've done so terrible or wrong?!' 'I can't believe this is happening again!'

Few minute later, Military Police car came. Then she asked me ID I was hesitate what I should show to her. I showed her college student ID. She asked me if I have other ID. 'Shit! this doesn't work.' 'Alright let's just do it.' I showed her passport that shows my VISA is not valid. "Ah, you are from Korea. I've been there blah blah blah~" She tried to make it nice and easy but I didn't appriciate or feel easy or anything positive. I respond her but what I really think was 'I don't care what you've done or trying to do.' 'You are soldier, you are soldier, you are soldier. I don't consider soldier as a same human being.' She looked at my passport very accordingly and wrote down everything on the passport. She even asked my height and weight that doesn't show on passport. After she wrote down everything she still kept it. Then she went back to police car and call somebody. I couldn't hear anything what she was saying.

I felt extreme of anxiety, nervous and fraustration. Those emotions drove me crazy and my rationality suddenly came and pull all the feelings back. 'Fear is illusion, there is nothing to fear. pain is not painful anymore when I accept it.' 'I am Shaaun, I'm a survivor. even if I deported to Korea, that's what mean to be, I can never know the future, it might be temporary. It is not going to be a disaster as I imagine because that's not my destiny.' 'Don't worry don't be in a panic. Completely being in the moment.' 'Believe myself and my life then just see what will happen.' I breathed out long and slow. Then I found the peace and confidence.

M.P. came to me. She said "He is just easily freaks out if someone takes a picture of record a airplane." "Can I see what you record?" I told her, "I know about security and I respect what you need to do. You can see what I recorded and if there is airplane I will erase it" I showed her my footage that all my ranting/criticizing/lecturing about military. She didn't even through 5minutes. "Alright, just make sure there is no airplane and parts that me and him appear."

Then I did it. And finally I got my passport back and they let me go.

After all the chaos, I was walking for an hour. Then I thought about what just happen. I realized "I didn't get arrested. When I accept everything when I didn't lose my faith, everything goes with my destiny." "I just proved my mission is right things to do for my destiny." Then I felt the energy of universe, pleasurable feeling that I being supported by universe. I fully stretched my arms outside while walking and was feeling the air, ground and sun. 'I feel all the things helping me.'

Then about hour and half later I arrived at the Beach then I took the rest and wrote down on the beach; my only tatoo, my conviction, my vocation, my destiny that actually reinforece my life,"LOVE TO LIVE, LIVE TO LOVE"

Walking Journey Day 16 Part1 & Part 2

Walking Journey Day 15

Day 13 2008-3-23 Venice Beach

Day 12, Second home town, Manhattan Beach

Walking Journey-Day 8~11

Waling Journey-Day 5~7

(Incomplete)March 11th,2008 Day 1 ~ March 12th,2008 Day2

I woke up in Matthew's apartment(ex roommate in San Diego county) and when I walk to a trolly station, I realized my left ankle still hurt but I didn't want to stop in mere second day. I called several place to get tide information because the section of that day was only passable at low tide. I couldn't get a tide information and time was already almost noon. And I knew I can't make it with damaged ankle also it's late to complete eighteen miles. So I decided to take a day break for heal my ankle and plan better. I went to San Diego down town which is heading back to south, then went to the hostel which I used to stayed. It was all booked that day so I went to another hostel near by. About 4 o'clock after finish grocery shopping and I was resting in the room. After I get back from restroom or some where there was good looking lady untieing her shoe. And she said,"Hi" with pretty voice and pleasurable smile.

Video:

Bizarre inner experience

How do I explain this? I thought more I get old I more become wise and well manage myself. But I woke up at 4:30 AM after dreamt several different junky, weird, unpleasant dreams. Then I can't easy my mind or calm my body. I just constantly woke up over again. Then eventually my stomach became active and hurt so I had to eat something. So here I am eating hot milk and toast, writing this. When I was around 19, I was shock and amazed by how many thing I realized by my self, my own thought and how insightful I am. I felt I would be enter into nirvana as Jesus or Buddha at around thirty. After few year my thought changed to "okay maybe realization will happen far later". But I didn't expect this at around thirty. I am way more experienced and stronger than before but I am just more struggled by myself. And don't know why this human being react this and that and don't know how to not react this and that. Without understand why there is no hope nor a plan. I rather be observe while things manifestating through this human being. No more than helpless ignorance at the moment. There are few guesses, no assumptions and that I have. It can be accurate reason and solution but I don't want to write what it is. Sure getting older makes me more complicated and deeper that's also why hard to understand but that's not always all good.

To renetto

Relate Post link:

http://original-creation.blogspot.com/2010/03/how-to-trenscend-this-pain-and-heal.html

http://original-creation.blogspot.com/2010/03/not-great-but-most-important-video.html

2010-03-21 after 'Seoul read' meet up

2009-09-07 Thoughts on few topics to clear them

Polrarity, musculinity, feminty, not to be just intellectual with knowledge, forgiveness, healing, etc.

video order

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