I was web searching about flea market for Natasha. I clicked into one blog among several link of web pages. Then I looked at pictures of flea market then there was a guy who took the picture who looks familiar...soon the name of that guy poped up on my mind. Yet I was not certain of him. Then I checked more of his blog and watched some videos that he uploaded. His blog was pretty much about bicycle trick but more I watched his videos and pictures I felt the guy is one that I know. Soon I found profile of him in the blog. Then there was same name that I thought of him. The guy was a fellow soldier in my army service time. The peculiar feeling very strong and mixed emotion started to arouse. There was bit of excitement that same feeling as I meet somebody from past again which made me smile. And nervousness, shock. How odd is that that randomly encounter a person that I know from over seven years ago on internet and one-sided way? Soon I read his profile my perception very quickly started to gather and collaborate all the data of him from my memory and what I see now in his blog. He wrote what he likes and dislikes on his profile and I can connect that to his behaviour in the past army time. Then his characteristic is not difficult to talk what it is. Many things about his characteristic occur me to feel resistance and distance. He is extrovert, simple minded, has no philosophy nor conviction, doesn't like analysis, retrospect, complex thought or concerpt, has no heaviness in feeling and emotion, likes cool look, childish sensation, never read a book. It's childish of me that I don't even like his face and body type. We are a being that are not enemy to each other by hate but absolute indifference toward each other. Doesn't occur noticible amount of attraction but it occurs curiosity about being so different in dinstinct way. How these two beings can make harmony in one world? Co existence is possible but not inter-dependent or synergy can come out of its relation. Even good and evil, cop and criminal, writer and haters can stimulate each other to become stronger by reacting to one another. Although if reaction is distructive fight or battle there is still development from a fight by what they have to pull out.

Anyway what really odd is the overwhelming feeling. My heart was beating fast and strong and that is same reaction when by chance encounter a woman that I used to like very much in the past. The nervousness. So I wonder why I felt that to a guy who is not even used to be a friend. Is there any anger or guilty toward him? No. Sure there were awful guys from Army experience that brings bad memory. But they were all senior to me so that they had authority and power over me and they abused it. But with this guy I was six months senior to him which is moderate gap of rank between him and I. And everybody who was with me there knew that I never abused the power over them and there were no irrational punishment and no physical violation of my action there were only psychological lecture like attacks that gives them stress. I didn't do such things that I ought to feel guilt to him. And yet he disliked me and not respected me I know that fact. Army life is sure easier for people like him, act simple as animal and no questioning no reasoning just do and follow orders in a way that is easiest for them. So is this uncomfortable feeling and dislike of him is about resistance toward the characteristic that I don't want to be? Or is this feeling because of horrendous memory of army time aroused again? It really got me think what would I do if I see him in person face to face? Probably the feeling is same then how I react? Would I even acknowledge him initiatively? Since pretending as not recognize a person is not my behaviour I would not do that. And I would not present fake excitement or niceness. In the past I thought about something similar to this situation. What if I meet by chance the guys that I hated in the Army? What would I feel and what would I do? I think the reason why I asked that questions is because of subconscious which is fear of feeling that negative emotions again and fear of unknown but perhaps destructive, impulsive reactions of myself as consequence of the event.