힘의 세기, 파워의 정도로 모든것을 보는것은 우주를 이해함에 있어서 극히 작은 단편만 보는 것이다.사랑에 있어서도 마찬가지 내가 이해할 수 있는것이 단지 에너지의 크기,정도라면 그것역시 사랑의 function 을 이해하는데 큰 한계가 있을것이다. 단적인 예로 인간이 얼마나 작은존재인지에 놀라면서도 작은 생명체가 우주선을 다른 행성에 보낼 수 있다는것에 놀란다면 그것은 크기,규모를 중심적으로 보는 태도기 때문이다. 어제 iron man 에서 보았듯 무기의 파워는 엄청나다 그 에너지는 실로 강한것이다. 하지만 시간의 개념을 포함해서 보았을 땐. 상대적으로 짧은 순간에 일어난 일.현상이다. 사랑에 있어서도 내가 예전에 꺠달은 바, 예수나 테레사 수녀, 링컨, 슈바이쳐, 에리히 프롬 같은 사람이 해낸 것을 단지 그 크기로만 본다면 사랑의 에너지가 핵폭탄과 같은 무기의 에너지에 비하면 강하거나 크다고 할 수 없다. 하지만 그 사랑이 미치는 영향을 시간적 개념을 포함해서 보면 엄청난 시간동안 그 에너지가 계속 영향을 미치고 있는것을 볼 수 있다.
attraction and act of love: Whatever the reason, important thing is what I do. No matter what I feel how that feeling toward the person I love is strong, only thing that make "love" function is the act not feeling and thought. What do I do to the one whom I love is based on my expression, every single act is human expression, using the energy that within me to outer world, to other human being.
Even though it's just because she is beautiful what she feel is based on what I do. Ofcourse most likely there are the factor of my charm, things that I attracted her as well. Next difficult problem will encounter is deceptivity, our lack of objectivity and lack of consciousness. No matter what I think about my act of love, be loved one can have completely different idea, concept about love and any forms of relationships. 그 다음의 난제는 심지어 나의 행이 아무리 성숙한 태도라하더라도 사랑받는 사람이 그것을 이해/소화하지 못한다면 사랑의 교류는 역시 이루어지기 힘들다. 물론 성숙한 태도가 미성숙한 태도보다는 사랑의 교류가 더 잘 이루어지게 하지만 인간은 우리 자신을 완전히 이해하기 조차 어려운 복잡한 존재이면서 most of our conscious level is not reach to understand ourselve yet. 어쨋거나 내가 뭘 말하려고 했더라? Objectivity! No matter what I do, what I want, what I need, there is other human being's desire, need, and fear. It can be similar or very different than mine. If two person's desire, need, and fear are compatible, match then energy flow, attraction, magnetism can reinforce, stimulate the act. Think about oppsite case. What if two person's desire, need and fear are conflicted, not matched or compatible? Of course it's harder than former case. But does it mean I have to give up my act of love? 내가 경험한 바로 짝사랑을 하는 경우 내가 사랑하는 사람이 나를 사랑하지 않는경우, 고통과 suffering start. 물론 그 경우에 그것은 나의 고통과 suffering 이기 때문에 내 스스로가 책임져야하고 극복해내야 하는것이다. 그 경우 어떻게 대처하느냐는 나의 인격 수준에 달려있는 것이다. 전자의 경우로 시작 된 커플이 후자의 경우로 된 경우 때문에 나는 질문을 하는것이다. 그리고 내가 지금 개인적으로 격고 있는 문제이기 때문이다. There is no clear cut even though I thought "Ok she doesn't want erotic love, so I'm gonna do brotherly love now." But what really happen within me is conflict between my will by thought and emotion and feeling. I still feel like her, as a erotic love even though there is difference between feeling that I felt before, maybe that is state of feeling changed. So I thought what I need to do is just shift my love from erotic love to brotherly love. And actually mind is catching up that will/idea slowly. So those feelings are middle of somewhere and it's complicate as always. I can develop this concept/idea because I am experiencing now. And to solve my dilemma/problem/suffer/conflict, I have to think beyond the problem itself. Because only then I can act differently with developed idea. But so far last 5months what happen was suffer by dilemma, then think, then enlightened, find out what I need to do, then another dilemma appeared. There were several repetition of this procedure. ofcourse because of that I can write and what I want is also has changed. but one thing never change is "I want to experience love that I can think of." It's almost feel like I love her for sake of love itself. but it doesn't make sense because love cannot exist without object of love. because love is act, and act is again, energy between human beings. Just as energy between matters.Why I ask this? I am not just throwing the question. It's because this is very common issue in our world this time. How many couple experience this? Ok example, when couple start their love their desire and need and fear are matched but after time goes on, one person feel different and he/she thinks he/she doesn't love anymore. Their idea and feeling changed! Not compatible anymore! What are you going to do then? One person want to stop/kill his/her love but partner still fall in love and still wants to go on.
I don't know what actually she is how she is before I have knowledge about her. There is only my assumtion and expectation based on my judgement. So if I love her based on my distorted image of her, disappointment and shock, feeling betrayed that will be occur in the future are natural consequences. Needless to say, it's not good for myself for my woman neither. That's why objectivity is very important matter of the art of loving.I realized the suffering is happen when there is expectation. Especially when that expextation is not meet, when I'm not satisfied, dissatisfaction generate pain.
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